"Welcome to the Ultimate Bad Candy Web Site, the virtual crossroads where candy and people barfing up candy meet! Since 1997, Mark and Ben have been saving your ignorant asses by the truckload from the terror of accidentally eating bad candy. And we've inadvertantly encouraged about ten times that many people to eat it anyway. So right now I guess we're in the red as far as people actually saved. Regardless, the cause marches on. If you've never visited our lecherous, hateful little corner of the web before, then let me fill you in on what exactly it is that we do here: we eat bad candy, and then we write about it. We know what you're thinking: ITS ABOUT DAMN TIME SOMEBODY DID. And you're right. Often immitated, never duplicated, The Ultimate Bad Candy Web Site is the edgy-yet-retarded food-alternative Internet resource you never realized you'd been looking for your whole life, but have been anyway. If that last sentence made any sense to you, good job, you goddamn crazy."
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